Spazz kidnappers
by GirlyCorpse
Summary: Craig is tired of everyone taking his boyfriend away from him when he is not looking. One shot CREEK fluff.


_Sorry I ain't update the other fic! I just can't find the right song to start writing and I ended up writing this instead_

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It was late, 3:20pm and no sign of the blond around. Tweek used to always be on time at the school's doors waiting for Craig to walk home together, yet he wasn't there.

Craig sighed, turning around on his heels and got back into the building making his way to the bathrooms. Once there his eyes stick to the red squared sign with a female silhouette painted in white.

He walked closer and moving the strings of his hat he pressed his ear against the door and closed his eyes to focus and catch any little sound he could.

"You are not leaving until you talk!" A female voice talked, It was familiar… such annoying tone couldn't be other than his cousin Red.

"We have all day, so you better spit it out!" That was Wendy. "Have you guys at least kissed? How it was!?"

"GAH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Craig's suspicious were right…

"Come on Tweek" Now that was Bebe. "You can tell us everything, we are here to listen and support you! We could even give you a few tips."

"TIPS!? I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY! I JUST WANNA GO HOME, GAH!"

A bunch of giggles could be heard, there were five, six… maybe seven girls inside. They were doing it again.

"Come on! Tell us! Is he good?"

"Has he ever been touchy on you?"

"How do you feel when you make out with him?"

"GAH! OH JESUS! STOP! THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH PRES-"

"Hands of him, bitches!" Craig blurted out opening the door with a loud bang making everyone jump specially some blond who was cornered between the walls and a bunch of girls.

"Oh shit…" Red whispered and all went quiet for a moment.

"This is a girls bathroom, Craig!" Wendy protested. "You are a boy! You can't just come here like that!"

"Tweek is also a boy, he shouldn't be here either. Now let him go. Girls or not I'll kick your ass if you piss me off enough and you can ask Red if you don't believe me."

Even when everyone was used to his monotone nasal voice the statement and a trace of menacing were still intimidating. Also Red's wide eyes weren't much help to take it as a joke.

Craig used to fight quiet often and he was good. Yet he hated fighting girls but this didn't stop him if one pushed enough buttons on him witch unfortunately has been Red's case some time ago. Pushing Craig, tripping him, throwing things at him, being mean and defend herself with the classic 'I'm a girl! You can't hit me back or I'll tell aunt Laura!' worked at first but once she crossed the line slapping him once she learned not to push him too far anymore. She knew Craig wasn't joking and moved aside.

"T-Thanks, Craig…" Tweek walked to him still twitching. Once safe Craig enfolded his delicate body with his arms feeling him shiver.

"Look what have you done!" He exclaimed caressing the blond mane. "I swear to God, if you push him into a panic attack I'll kick all of your asses and shave your heads while you sleep!"

The girls intermediately hold their hair with their hands and imagined the shame of being bald for months, Craig was hard to bother with many things, but mess with Tweek was serious business.

"We-we just wanted to know how you guys were doing… you know, we think you are very cute together! So we just wanted to know a little more…"

Annie tried her best to sound friendly and with a little smile she hoped this would make Craig go away and not come back at night to shave all of her hair, the boy was known to be a "high level thief" and rumors said doors and window locks were not a problem to him. She grabbed her golden locks tight.

Even as gay and in a relationship with Tweek, Craig had a soft spot for blondes and the fear on the girl's eyes told him there was no need to do anything else.

"It's none of your business. Don't do that again."

The noirette walked out taking Tweek's hand while using his famously knows as "Tweek voice" to calm him down all the way to his house.

Today Tweek was free of child labor, and instead of being at home all alone he used to spend the day at the Tuckers, who adored him and already adopted him as part of their family.

You could tell not just for how much care they used to take of him, but also for the new stuff around the house like some of his clothing on Craig's closet, his own toothbrush and a first aid kit on every room in the house. Even as not being coffee lovers, the Tucker's kitchen now had a coffee machine and some good coffee bags in the cupboards along with a special mug nobody else used. It was just for Tweek.

Craig took a can of Dr. Pepper for himself and a bag of chips while waiting for the machine to be done. Once ready, he filled the mug with the dark liquid and made his way upstairs to his room. Today they were having a Red Racer marathon, just him, his favorite show, his guinea pig, his disappeared boyfriend, and a lot of junk food and cuddling on his bed with… wait, what?...

"Goddammit… TRICIA!" The raven haired boy left everything in the floor and ran to the door at the other side of the hall. "Give me back my boyfriend!"

"Fuck off! We are trying to have a conversation, here!"

"GAH! CRAIG, HELP ME!"

"Tricia! I'm serious! Open the fucking door!"

"You can't see it, but I'm flipping you off right now!"

The violent knocks on the door didn't seem to bother the girl inside at all, Craig could hear her laugh and talking normally with a few 'GAH!'s and 'JESUS!' interrupting her often. This wasn't working at all.

Defeated for now but filled with determination Craig went downstairs again and leaded to the basement, he hated to do this but in times like this the need forced him to use his last and most powerful resource…

"Mom! Tricia locked herself with Tweek again!" Laura chuckled while setting the washing machine and pressed the start button. "It's not funny! She needs to stop kidnapping my boyfriend!"

"Well, Mr. It's kind of your fault for leave such cute little boy unsupervised."

"Mom! Please!"

"Fine, fine. I'm going."

Laura grinned as she walked upstairs following her son, even when it's been a while she still couldn't get used to Craig being so protective over someone to the point he called her for help instead of just don't care and leave it like that. She also didn't wanted to get used to it. It was hilarious and very sweet everytime! And she adored to see how much love was changing her son to a better person.

"Tricia?" She knocked at the door. "I fear you might take something that's not yours."

"It's his fault! He leaved him alone!" Laura glanced down at her son on a 'I told you' way. Craig just groaned.

"Give me back my boyfriend and get your own!"

"But I like Tweek! Maybe when he decides to break up with you again I can steal him for myself!"

"TRICIA!"

"Don't worry! I'll invite you to the wedding!"

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"She is just teasing you, hun." Laura giggled and Tricia's laughed followed along with a few high pitched screams. "Darling, please open up. You know how bad Tweek can get in this kind of situations."

Silence followed by a click, Tricia unlocked her "Craig proof lock" a tiny metal bar you just inserted in a metal ring, simple yet effective. The door finally opened for Tweek's sake and Craig intermediately ran inside pushing his sister a little too hard on his way.

"What the… What did you do to him?..."

"Craig… help!" Tweek cried out, his eyes were pleading him to take him out of there. He was sitting in Tricia's puff bag with many tiny braids and colorful ribbons and hair pins decorating his hair.

"You have to admit he looks very cute!" The girl teased behind them while the mom took a picture with her phone.

Craig took Tweek's hand and went back to his room not without shooting daggers at his sister who just flipped him off and he gratefully returned the gesture. Once safe in his room, he shoved the 'keep the door open' rule up his ass and locked it behind them. He walked to his bed and thew himself on the mattress, Tweek stood awkwardly still next to the door.

"A-are you mad, Craig…?" He asked with hesitation his voice cracking a little bit while pronouncing his name.

"No. I'm not." The raven answered and turned on his back to make eye contact with the blond. "Why did you let her take you to her room?"

"GAH! I-I't her ngh! It's her house after all! I-I'm just a host! Gah! So I can't be rude to her!... and… you know how she is… She just scares me, man! Gah! I-I CAN'T JUST MAKE HER MAD! THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"You are more than a host, Tweek. Come here" Craig sit on the bed and patted the empty space in front of him. Tweek did as told and sit between the raven's legs. As soon as Tweek sat, Craig began to undo the braids and take off the horrible ribbons contaminating that perfect nest of birds he worshiped.

"Why me?" Tweek asked himself after a long and comfortable silence.

"They can't help it, you are cute as fuck. Everybody knows that." Craig answered finishing to undo the last braid.

"I'm not! Look at me Craig! I'm a walking mess!"

"Girls still think you are cute, you were like number three on that stupid girl's list of 'cutest boys' remember? That's the reason why my stupid cousin decided to steal your first kiss too…"

"You still mad about it?" Tweek grimaced, even when that has been on the top 5 most traumatizing experiences for him he enjoyed to tease Craig with that and how his own cousin claimed something Craig would never get.

"I'm fucking furious! That first kiss should have be mine!"

"But you kissed somebody else too before me! Besides, thanks to that incident I didn't got bully like Butters did!"

"That was different! I was just… curious… didn't feel anything and even if I wasn't your boyfriend yet I wouldn't allow the guys to bother you."

"So was Red I think. And It's funny since you totally refused to be gay at the beginning, remember?"

"Yet I've always had some… respect for you since the fight in third grade."

"Respect, huh?" He pushed a little more.

"You fucking kicked my ass!" Craig protested.

"So you were afraid of me?"

"No!... It-It doesn't matter anymore. You are mine, you don't have to kiss somebody else and you don't have to worry to me being mean to you anymore"

Craig embraced Tweek, for some weird reason his body seemed to perfectly fit between his arms like if they have been shaped to hold his figure. Tweek closed his eyes and enjoyed the affection. His cheeks shaded with a light pink when feeling Craig's breath on his shoulder. He never wanted to leave Craig's side, he didn't want to be taken away from him again…

"I don't want to be kidnapped anymore… I know it's not like a real-real thing but it's still scary…"

"What do you think of real kidnappers, honey?"

"GAH! THEY'RE THE WORST!" Tweek blurted out almost hitting Craig's jaw with his shoulder. "THEY TAKE YOU FAR AWAY AND YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO EVER COME BACK UNLESS YOUR PARENTS PAY A PRICE! MOST OF THEM ARE MURDERERS RAPIST! I DON'T WANNA BE MURDERED OR RAPED!" His hands dangerously leaded to his hair but Craig's hands intercept them.

"Would you date a kidnapper?" He asked with his always bored tone.

"NO FUCKING WAY, MAN! ARE YOU CRAZY!?"

"Would you still date me if I decide to be a kidnapper?" His words came emotionless and serious…

"W-WHAAAAAAT!? YOU CAN'T DO THAT, CRAIG! YOU'LL END UP SHOOT OR IN JAIL! WHAT AM I GONNA DO IF THAT HAPPENS!?"

"I was seriously considering it"

"MAN, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! ARE YOU GONNA KIDNAP SOMEBODY JUST TO GET MONEY!?"

"Fuck the money. I just want to kidnap somebody and go far away."

"CRAIG, NO! DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T BECOME ONE OF THEM!"

"I will. I just decided it."

"OH MY GOD! PLEASE, NO! CRAIG! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH THING!? I THOUGH YOU WERE TIRED OF PEOPLE TAKING ME AWAY FROM YOU AND NOW YOU'LL TAKE OTHER'S AWAY FROM THEIR LOVED ONES!?"

"Not really, I just want to kidnap a very specific person…"

Tweek suddenly found himself pinned against the bed, above him was Craig looking at him with a sweet smile on his face, a smile so rare that witnessed by someone else might be misunderstood as a sign of the incoming apocalypse. Tweek's cheeks turned red when a pair of soft lips made contact with his on a little peck. Craig's eyes were glued to his… can people "make love" through their eyes? Tweek questioned feeling his body melt under the noirette's gaze.

"W-why… why me…?" Tweek insisted once realization hit him.

"You are right. I'm tired of people taking you away from me, so once we are old enough, I'll kidnap you taking you away from everyone else to keep you all for myself." Craig lowered himself to Tweek's ear. "If there's nobody else... nobody can take you away." He whispered at the blond.

That wasn't a bad idea. He'd eventually have to leave his parents in the future, and the though of being trapped forever at the coffee shop scared him to dead. He also hated South Park and all the stressful situations in the little mountain town. Craig seemed to be the only good thing in the whole place and in his whole life living there and if he wanted to take him away from all the craziness and the dead end of his future he was more than welcome to do it.

"Would you keep a bed in the basement for me and clean my chains often?"

"Babe, what are you talking about? I would never chain you to a bed in a basement!"

"W-What if I want you to do it?..." Craig gulped, he didn't expect this.

"Woah, woah! We ain't 17 yet, remember? And you should stop hanging out with Kenny, his kinky shit is affecting you."

Both laughed even when Craig actually meant the last part. The food and drinks got recovered and the boys went back to the schedule planned. They watched Red Racer enjoying each other's company while stuffing junk food on their faces and drinking their beverages, even when Tweek's coffee was a little cold, he didn't want to move and get another one, the heat missed on his beverage was satisfied with the warmth of Craig's body next to him.

"Craig…"

"Mhm?" The noirette looked at his side appreciating a calm Tweek with his eyes closed fighting to finish his sentence without falling sleep.

"please… kidnap me soon…"

"I will. I swear I will as soon as I can."

A kiss on the blond's forehead drew a smile on his lips before pass out. Craig caressed the golden hair while snugging with Tweek's body. His eyes felt heavy not much later, the twitchy kid had some kind of relaxing effect on him, too strong and nice to fight.

"I love you Tweek."

He barely managed to whisper before fall asleep with the blond on his arms like a disheveled teddy bear.


End file.
